Well I just got the feedback on my research proposal, and to be honest I’m pretty overwhelmed right now. After reading the comments I didn’t realize I would be making such large adjustments at this point. In reviewing the comments it seems that a large portion of my essay (the justification section) is not actually advancing the research I am proposing, it is only related. This is somewhat frustrating because to me the most interesting piece of the essay is the information from my site visit and interviews which doesn’t support the proposed research. Since there wasn’t any real research performed at Northstar the effects of technology and contemporary music can’t be directly measured. The effects I was going off of were simply my opinions that suggested certain outcomes from what I obtained from my site visit and interview.
I don’t want to completely get rid of the justification section so I am going to use this information for the upcoming essay, or I am going to have to demonstrate more specifically how my site visit/interview shows a connection between advanced technology and contemporary music on number of new members.
The other corrections seem to be somewhat simple and easy to fix. Right now I’m just stumped and still uncertain as to which way I should go next.
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3 comments:
"the most interesting piece of the essay is the information from my site visit and interviews which doesn’t support the proposed research"
This is a research proposal, not an essay, remember. That seems to be part of the confusion in yours. You seem to want to write both.
"so I am going to use this information for the upcoming essay, or I am going to have to demonstrate more specifically how my site visit/interview shows a connection between advanced technology and contemporary music on number of new members."
I think this is a great idea for your essay. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.
"Right now I’m just stumped and still uncertain as to which way I should go next."
I think if you can propose your research by saying you have a hunch that this connection exists because of some of your experiences (name Northstar), and so you want to do more research. One of the problems now is that you are trying to prove the connection, when there isn't anything to prove at this point. If you are clear that it is just your guess, I think the proposal will be easier to understand.
Does that help at all?
This does help a lot. Thank you.
I think I need a break from my proposal for a while so I'm not going to try and edit it this weekend. I would like to try to clean it up before the end of the semester however. Once I make some adjustments is there anyway you could have another look at it or possibly have a meeting arranged?
Emily,
If you have specific concerns or questions once you have revised, I'm happy to answer them, but generally, that's the stuff I want you to write about on your blog and in your final portfolio.
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